Headlines for the Week of June 23

Among this week’s troubling stories about survivors’ safety, one stands out as a hopeful exception.

Girl Named Tom’s Powerful New Music Video Directs Survivors to DomesticShelters.org

More than a song, Girl Named Tom’s “Lucky One” is a rallying cry for survivors of abuse, offering a message of resilience—and a lifeline through DomesticShelters.org. Bekah, Joshua and Caleb Liechty were the Season 21 winners of The Voice, the first musical group ever to win the competition. From there, they signed with Republic Records and toured with Pentatonix. This month, they released their new song and subsequent music video in which Bekah sings about being gaslit by a toxic ex-partner. 

In part, the lyrics read, “Guess I’m the lucky one // Now that you’re moving on // Maybe I’m numb to the pain // I know how you lied to me // Called it loyalty // Convinced me that I was insane // ‘Cause you said you loved me // But you would say anything If you could just have it your way.”

They describe the song as “a mantra for anyone who needs it right now,” and urge anyone experiencing abuse to visit DomesticShelters.org. Many survivors are afraid to reach out for help, fearing no one may believe them. They may have been threatened by an abusive partner that if they told anyone about the abuse, the partner would hurt them, other family members, children or pets in the home. 

Some survivors may not be ready to admit to themselves that they’re being abused. Most of us want to believe there’s no way we could be trapped with an abusive partner, especially one that we may have once loved, trusted, married or had children with. But the reality is abusers can manipulate and gaslight survivors into doubting their own reality. That’s why reaching out for help—be it an advocate on a help line or a trustworthy and supportive person in a survivor’s life—is vital in being able to find validation in what’s really happening. 

Long-time domestic violence advocate Ruth Rollins, community outreach coordinator for the Elizabeth Stone House in Boston, told DomesticShelters.org she hears from a lot of survivors who feel like something is wrong, but don’t classify it as abuse because they’re not being physically hurt.

“My goal is to educate them on other types of abuse—emotional, financial, etcetera—and educate them as much as possible about the power and control wheel,” she says, referring to the cycle of violence that often continues indefinitely.

Even if someone is not yet ready to leave their partner, calling a hotline can be a lifesaving first step. 

YouTube commenters called Girl Named Tom’s new song “beautiful” and “powerful,” with one listener writing, “This so resonates with me! Beautiful that you could put this to word and music! Thank you! I AM the lucky one!”

Source: MSN.com

Still No Sign of Suspected Murderer Travis Decker, Girls’ Mother Speaks at Memorial

Police, sheriffs and federal agents have been searching for suspected murderer Travis Decker, 32, since June 2 when the bodies of his three daughters, Paityn, 9; Evelyn, 8; and Olivia, 5, were found dead at a remote campsite near Leavenworth in Washington state. The girls were determined to have died by suffocation, found with plastic bags over their heads and zip ties around their wrists. Decker failed to return the girls to their mother, Whitney, after a scheduled visitation with them that day. 

In a social media post on Monday, Kittitas County Sheriff’s Office said they won’t quit the search and that the girls deserve justice. However, “There is no certain evidence that Decker remains alive or in this area,” they wrote. Sheriffs have been using dogs trained to find human remains in case Decker was no longer alive. 

U.S. Marshals believe Decker, a former Army infantryman with extensive training in outdoor survival and navigation, could be hiding somewhere in the remote backcountry trails, including the Pacific Crest Trail which runs from Canada to Mexico. Within the area, marshals say there are a good number of abandoned buildings and unoccupied vacation homes, as well as caves and mines where Decker could be hiding. 

Whitney spoke out publicly for the first time since her daughters’ murders at a memorial last Friday evening. 

“You all look beautiful," Whitney told those in attendance through her tears. "I know Evelyn would have loved to ooh and aah over all your outfits. She would have been amazed by all the color out there ... Paityn would have sought each and every one of you out to try to find something to give you a compliment for."

Whitney thanked mourners for their “outpouring of love,” and added, “I truly hope that the legacy of the girls’ lives lives on in everyone’s heart forever. They were incredible.”

In Sept. 2024, Whitney requested her and Travis’ parenting plan change, saying Travis “neglected his parental duties towards a child.” Whitney claims that her ex-husband struggled to “maintain stability in his life” leading to a “negative impact on the children.” She says Travis had borderline personality disorder and narcissism, which had led to the end of their marriage. In court documents, she stated that “Travis just keeps getting more and more unstable.” 

Her attorney requested Travis receive a domestic violence evaluation and psychiatric assessment and should not be allowed to be alone with the children. While the court limited Travis’ visitation with his daughters, they did not require he have supervision. 

In domestic violence expert and author Barry Goldstein’s 2022 op-ed for DomesticShelters.org, “California Courts Harm Kids By Ignoring the Science,” he writes, “Judges, lawyers and especially evaluators need training in very specific subjects that include screening for domestic violence, risk assessment, post-separation violence and the impact of witnessing domestic violence on children. Most court professionals do not have this specific knowledge….As a result, unqualified professionals routinely make recommendations and decisions that harm children.”

Source: CBSNews.com

Houston Police Call ICE on Domestic Violence Victim Who Reached Out for Help 

After a woman called 911 to report she was being abused by her estranged husband, Houston police called immigration officials to report her. The woman, an immigrant from El Salvador who has lived in Houston for seven years with her three children, says she has suffered years of abuse at the hands of her husband, including threats to her life. She secured an order of protection against him after they separated last year, claiming he frequently confronted her at work and in public, armed with guns or knives and threatening to kill her.

The woman reached out for help after he assaulted her while she was grocery shopping. She quickly drove home and called 911, after which an officer responded and took a report. The next day, she was informed police had called ICE after discovering she had an active order of deportation. Her claim for asylum was denied. According to U.S. immigration law, the U.S. has a legal obligation to provide protection to refugees of other countries who cannot return home due to violence. However, advocates say only 16 percent of asylum cases are successful, even though many of the immigrants are seeking asylum from intimate partner violence or gang violence in their home country. The woman was urged by the officer not to make a report of abuse by her husband in person for risk of being detained.

ICE agents declined to pick the woman up, previously writing in their report that there was no one to take custody of her children. Meanwhile, the woman, who has not been named by the Chronicle, says she fears she can no longer reach out for help the next time her husband assaults her. “If he were to hurt me again, I don’t think I could report it because that’s where my story would end,” she told the media. 

Immigrants, regardless of citizenship status, have the legal right to reach out to law enforcement for help when victimized. They are also able to apply for U visas through the Violence Against Women Act (VAWA), which provides lawful immigration status for victims of domestic violence who may otherwise be relying on an abusive partner to file for them. Still, the process can be a long one. 

“Some [survivors] will start the process, and it will happen within a few years,” says Jessie Rixie, director of advocacy at One Safe Place, a Family Justice Center in Fort Worth, Texas. For other individuals she knows, it’s been 20-plus years, and they’re still waiting for paperwork to go through. 

In the meantime, undocumented survivors of domestic violence may be relying on local domestic violence agencies for support and shelter. However, after new policies were enacted this year allowing ICE to access once-restricted areas, including domestic violence shelters, advocates worry immigrants may stay silent and endure abuse for fear of being deported or separated from their children. 

Source: Houston Chronicle