Domestic Violence and Pets: Survivors Share Their Stories

Key Takeaways:

1. Fear for their pets’ safety often delays survivors from leaving an abuser, sometimes by months or even years.
2. Pets are a crucial source of emotional support and healing for many survivors, both during and after their escape.
3. A lack of pet-friendly domestic violence shelters and organizations remains a major barrier, underscoring the need for more inclusive survivor support systems.

Leaving an abusive partner is hardly ever as simple as just walking out the door. Abusers make sure their partners don’t have the financial means, resources or self-esteem to think they can survive on their own. And when that isn’t enough, abusers often threaten survivors that, if they leave, very bad things will happen. 

Add in pets to that equation and the leaving process gets even more complicated. For many survivors, the fear of what will happen to their animals becomes one more chain keeping them in place. According to the Animal Legal Defense Fund, abusers of animals are five times as likely to harm humans, and survivors may stay with an abusive partner up to two years longer because they won’t leave their pets behind for fear of them being harmed. Those fears are founded: Studies indicate that up to 89 percent of survivors say their pets were threatened, harmed or killed by their abuser. A survey by the National Domestic Violence Hotline reported that 97 percent of callers said fear for their animals’ welfare was a factor in their decision-making and 50 percent would not leave unless their pets’ safety could be assured.

But help does exist, and no one should have to choose between safety and their pets. An increasing number of shelters are becoming pet-inclusive, and those who don’t have that ability yet often help survivors find a temporary home for their pets while the survivor gets to safety, keeping everyone out of the dangerous reach of a desperate abuser.  It’s now time for Family Justice Centers to similarly recognize the plight of domestic violence survivors with pets.

Abuse Survivors' Stories

We asked the readers of DomesticShelters.org to share their personal experiences of leaving an abuser when pets were involved. Some stories had hopeful outcomes, while others spoke of the heartbreaking loss of beloved animals during their escape. Many survivors agree: more shelters need to welcome pets alongside those fleeing abuse. After all, pets often provide survivors with comfort, stability and a sense of home in the midst of chaos.

Note that some comments have been edited for readability and identifying details have been changed for the survivors’ safety. 

“My ex and I had two dogs, and I chose to take them when I left him. He was an animal abuser as well, and I couldn't do that to the dogs. Unfortunately, I had to surrender them when I got to my destination because my parents wouldn't allow more dogs.” – Bridget

“I had to leave [my pets] behind until I was able to reclaim the house. I worried about them daily. [The abuser] took one of them and has her still. When I got two of them back … both my son and I were much calmer with them. Shelters should be a place of safety and comfort. My experience was not even close to that. I couldn't even bring my son as I was not given a room with a second bed or big enough bed. I was refused my child and pets all while the shelter had a cat that meowed all night long. I felt like they were helping me fall farther into crises rather than helping.” – Anny, 41

“I ended up permanently disabled with a whiplash injury requiring two cervical spine fusions as a result of domestic violence. When I left, I was able to go to a relative’s house so thankfully I brought my cat with me, who ultimately was with me 14 long wonderful years. She was definitely my emotional support kitty throughout it all.” – LeAndrea  

“I left my dog behind but was very worried about her. My ex ended up leaving her for days on end. I went back into the house to rescue her and pay for dog boarding. I ended up needing to give her to a dog rescue because we weren’t able to get an apartment without breed restrictions.” – Anonymous

“I fortunately had some friends step up to foster and I was able to get [my pets] back. I worried about their safety every day I had to work and leave them alone. One of my pets experienced the abuse with me. She became a therapy dog and now we do outreach to others. She allowed me to talk about the abuse in a healthy way to come to terms with it.” – Sheyenne, 29

“I had such a bond with our dog, but my abuser owned him before we ever even met, so there was no chance I'd ever have time with our dog again if I left. My abuser wanted to isolate me by forcing me to move to another state. He went there a few months ahead of me to set up his new business. I begged him to take the dog with him because we lived in a city apartment and had a toddler. I didn't want to have to bundle her up three times a day, and take her out of bed sometimes, to take the dog for a walk. I also didn't want to leave her alone in the apartment. He took our dog with him, and in less than a month the dog escaped, ran into a busy street and was hit by a car. My abuser took him to an emergency vet and they did surgery on the broken bones. Our dog was paralyzed in three legs. 
“My abuser drove the 12-hour drive back to our apartment, dropped our paralyzed dog off with me and left immediately. I had no car to get our dog to the vet, and not much money to take cabs. After a week of taking care of him and hoping he'd regain the ability to use his limbs, he seemed to be getting worse instead of better. I got him to an emergency vet, and they said it was like he was coming out of shock and was in emotional pain about his situation. He would howl all night. The vet said the kindest thing I could do would be to put him to sleep. I called my abuser and he agreed, so I put my beloved dog to sleep. From that moment on, I started to finally be able to envision leaving my abuser. My dog's death felt like a sign that it was time to leave.
“I left 13 years ago and have had other pets since then. I've been dragged through family court over and over again and having pets has helped so much with the pain, anxiety and grief of everything my abuser has put me through and continues to put me through. I was in a domestic violence shelter for a week, and having pets around would have made it much more tolerable. It felt like a prison there, honestly.” – Heather, 50

“I love this topic so much! I very openly talk about how my pets were the reason I was able to leave. I excused the abuse against myself, but couldn’t overlook the abuse inflicted on them. My dog became a therapy dog after we left and now we visit people who need it and speak about our survival and story.” – Shi

“I had to leave them behind and yes, of course I was worried! Not only about their safety but if they were actually taken care of. I was the only one who walked the dog, fed both animals, gave them both water and treats, and cleaned the cat's litter box. I wish pets would be more accepted into shelters; it really is a huge factor for many other survivors that I know.” – Casey, 32

“I was able to bring [my pets] with me. If I had to leave them, which I would not have, I would have feared for their safety. My dog has helped me tremendously with having that support. His love for me is all I need.” – Carol, 49

“My dogs are my lifeline. Not being able to find shelter with my dogs prevented me from leaving my abuser for a long time. Once I did leave, finding housing was nearly impossible. Instead, I chose to live in a travel trailer with my dogs and kids because it was the only way I could keep our family together. When we lost the trailer to a flood, I was grateful to have friends who let us tent on their property with our dogs. Eventually, I built a tiny house on wheels and now we live in that. 
“Our dogs have been everything to us in our healing and recovery; they give us purpose and love and safety that we need to keep moving forward. Giving them up in order to escape and have housing would have been compounding trauma that was already horrific, and we never would have recovered, and my kids would never have forgiven me. Instead, now years later, we are healing, and thriving, and whole.” – Anonymous 

“A friend took my cat, but I had to leave the dogs and bird and his cat behind and yes I worried about their safety. They ended up having animal control take them because of him. We definitely need foster [homes] or domestic violence shelters that accept pets.” – Rose, 51

“I was so fortunate to be able to go to my parents’ house and bring my dog with me. She was absolutely instrumental in my coping. I remember laying in my childhood bed watching ‘Parks and Rec’ on my iPad and just holding her and crying for weeks on end. And when I was back on my feet, she was right there with me and still is. I swear the way she looks at me is like she sees through my soul and feels my pain.” – Kerry

“At the time [of leaving abuse] we had two pugs. I stayed at a pet friendly hotel for a few nights, as I could not take them to my parents with me. I did a few days of boarding and then a local rescue was able to help me connect with someone who was able to temporarily foster them until I got my own place again. It was all maybe within a few weeks.” – Anonymous 

“I wasn’t able to take my pets. I left them at the humane society for care.” – Anonymous

“We had a dog at the time of us leaving but due to the place we were staying at we had to give our dog up for adoption at the local animal shelter. It was a difficult choice but we desperately needed safety.” – Dana

“Having a pet delayed getting away by months trying to find a place for him to be safe and cared for. I had to leave my dog with people in another state and I worried for all their safety. I got a new dog years later. We are still traumatized nine years later, and the new dog helps with healing and feeling safe.”  – Anonymous 

“I kept [my pets] with me at my own place—I couldn't imagine not having them in my life. They have helped immensely by cuddling me and giving me reasons to get out of bed in the morning and not give up. At times, my pets remind me of the abuse and of my partner, and that leads to some negative feelings. However, they always sense when my energy shifts and remind me very quickly of the love I have for them and they have for me.” – Kelsi, 24

For more information on creating a pet-friendly shelter, visit Don’t Forget the Pets, a service of the nonprofit RedRover as well as their Resources page for links to services that can help both advocates and survivors concerned about the well-being of pets.